fanie drop by yesterday abis dari yk. minjem beberapa buku gue dan eh tasnya ketinggalan jadi dia balik lagi. hehehe. gue baru baca her "yogyakarta: never ending asia", gue jadi kangen banget sama yogya but it seems that masih sekitar 2 minggu lagi gue baru bisa kesana. gue kangen, kangen sama semuanya yg ada di yk dan yah...

gue udah decide that i'm going to stay here and continue to uni here as well. gue mo ikut umptn and the choices are either ui or ugm, swasta maybe unpar-nya bandung. di satu sisi gue pengen ke ui, tapi untuk suasana kota gue pengen banget di yogya. jakarta well depok kayanya masih terlalu hectic buat gue. yah dunno yet, gue masih ada waktu untuk mempertimbangkannya. atau tergantung hasil gimana umptn aje kali ye? life seems like a gambling sometimes.



kemaren sorean, it was one of my long time friend, denny, birthday. man, doi dah kepala dua sekarang, gak kerasa how time flew just like that. ucoq ama bernard juga dateng ke rumah gue. ngobrol-ngobrol panjang, rata2 nostalgia semua:) abis itu ketemu sali ama haryo di pool hall di bawah bioskop galaxy. si haryo, aih aih tuh anak tambah buncit aje peyutnya udah gitu jadi mirip rhoma irama, plus anting di bibirnya yg bawah. lagu yg diputer di pool hallnya dangdut pula, lucu. sempet maen di pool hall bentar, gue udah lama banget kaga maen billyard jadi rada2 bego:P beda sama ucoq yg katanya lama kaga maen billyard tapi masukin terus.



ah, banyak banget yang berubah dari mereka. banyak yang berubah dari kita semua i guess...



sore ini mungkin gue jadi ke bandung klo engga besok pagi. now bandung, what would you like to show me now?

putri's new layout, always catches the eyes. not forgetting her writing project.

read:

- matu mona "pacar merah indonesia"

- soedjatmoko "kebudayaan sosialis"

- djakarta mag old editions



bought:

- afrizal malna "arsitektur hujan"

- majalah kalam



wishlist:

- tom wolfe "new journalism"

- majalah pantau terbaru

- djakarta mag terbaru

haha

Semoga kita bisa pulang ke tempat dimana jiwa kita bisa tenang dan damai.

- one christmas wish from a friend

iman, this might help you to know jakarta again:)

wuaw



fanie just sms me saying that she's just in merapi, looking at the beautifull site there. i want to go to djogya too:( it seems that i still had to postpone my plan to go there since my long time cousin jill is going to married in 12th january. this christmas seems to be a huge reunion, my old friend ucok just rang me and we might meet up again later.



i catch up with fanie and octo umm..10 days ago, since i was so lazily blogging i left the written remarks somewhere else...and also not replyin emails to people:( forgive me...



this christmas i end up spending it in puncak after the late mass with shea, sekoteng and jagung bakar. luckily with no bombs.

celebration? celebrate if there's anything to be celebrate for, i'm just trying to enjoy every moments.

emm?

continuation from the other day...



2 December 2001



Sam asked me to go to Condet with him, he had a friend there who sell books in a very low prices. I eventually meet the guy in person

after a long journey to find his place. Mujid is one crazy book seller, that's all what I can say about him. I bought 5 new books from

him for Rp 50.000. Man, you would never ever get that price in a local bookstore. Not mentioning that he gave me and Sam a free book of Rieke's

poem. He's the publisher and publisher for some books that I was interested. We spend around 2-3 hours in Mujid's place and had a nice

talk. I often amazed how independent book publishers survive this way, I guess in Mujid's case it's rather different. We need a lot

of person like him in order to put this nation forward in spreading knowledge and books all over.



Describing the place he's working were his own "rumah kontrakan" with his kids and wife around. Two energetic little boys:) and one personal

computer. The books were everywhere. Good quality books and he told me that they're working for more translation especially literature works

that won the Nobel Peace Prize. I'm thinking to start my translation on Pablo Neruda and this other book I'm going to work with Sam.



Then we meet Rendy at the hospital where his father is kept. I found it funny to have one serious discussion in a hospital hallway and oh yeah

I just know that Jakarta still operates bemo, I thought it's only Bogor that still have them(?).



Books bought:

- Arus Balik, P.A.T.

- Kebudayaan Sosialis, Soedjatmoko

- Matinya Seorang Buruh Kecil (one of the best short stories I ever read), Anton Chekhov

- Nyanyian Revolusi, Pablo Neruda

- Renungan Kloset, Rieke



4 December 2001



I met Shea in Gramedia PIM in the afternoon, it was around 6.30 PM. He parked his car accross the mall, we walked to QB bookstore

that was just a little bit further from where he parked. Rather hmm...what can I say that Jakarta's street atmosphere in the late

afternoon with the prayer from the mosque as we pass. The street vendor, the afternoon workers, the cars, the traffic, the buildings...



Anyway, QB Pondok Indah is BIG. Two floor, old books setting with seats everywhere, I think you can even lay down there. Agung told me

that in Saturday night(?) they open till 1 AM and you can just sit back and relax, consider yourself as in a library. The collections, quiet

a thumbs up:) the price as I once said on English books prices, be mentally prepared. A book craver like one of my friend would wept

for days went they look up at the prices, *including me, sigh:(*



Shea bought a martabak nangka keju for me to try, it's one of this favorite. We were going to eat dinner in Abuba Steak House, but

it was very packed. Shea said it's very popular restaurant, it's quiet a small place but wow so many people eat there. The prices is not bad

too. Then we end up driving up to Kemang street, it's a street full of cafes and yeah one of Jakarta's night life area. Thought he was

rather curious with Aksara, I was still a little full and felt like a cup of decaffe cappucino. Aksara bookstore was closed but the cafe

upstairs was open, we had our dinner there. The cafe name if I'm not mistaken is W & L sumthin (I forgot, but I just know where it was).

It's a very cozy cafe, only a few people there and the table is quiet limited. The interior of the cafe have this minimalist effect and

the cafe looks spacious. I like the place and we stay there until 11 PM. They closed around 11.30 PM, if it's not Ramadhan month they would

open till 2 AM. This timeframe setting is due to the raids of FPI (Front Pembela Islam) to the cafes in Jakarta(but when they raids they also

consume the food and drinks, yeah, FPI is a big joke:D).



The jackfruit-cheese martabak was still in the car and not eaten yet, me and Shea drove off from the cafe and rather confuse to find a place

where we can just sit and eat the martabak while we're talking. Ancol was suddenly come up to mind. I haven't been to Ancol beach for ages nor

has he and Ancol at night is famous for it's "mobil goyang" but hey we are not going to do anything nasty accept sit near the beach and eat the

damn martabak:P

We still went with his honest questions to the penjaga tol like this "Pak, arah Ancol kesana bener kan?"



Ancol has changed a lot, very a lot. The beach doesn't have any sand anymore accept with pilling up rocks as a wall due to the abrasion of the

beach. When we arrive there's nearly no wind accept a very very light winds. Me and Shea sit in one of the rocks port. The sky cleared up thought

we can see clearly the moon and also the stars. We were talking about the Atlantis legend and the theory of it (have you hear that Atlantis

most probably located in Indonesia continent?), and of course eating the jackfruit-cheese sweet martabak:) The Java sea seems so calm and we can

see the illuminating lights reflected in the water, it's was a very beautiful night and very beautiful sight.



I went home at 2 AM (again) and drop dead to bed.



6 December 2001



My best friend Nging2 and photos:) She's crazy with photos and today I was her photographer. We also looks at our old photos dating since we were

junior high school. How times flew by like that? She borrowed her dad digital camera and she wanted to send the photos to Adi. Adi is in Seattle now,

I talked to him for a while when he called Nging2. He has change quiet dramatically, 180 degrees changes I must say, but hey Adi is still Adi inside:)



I met some of my old friends already, we might have a reunion after Lebaran:) I can't wait:)



I just cut my hair, not cut2, just fixing it a little.



9 December 2001



Went out b-balling and swimming a whole day, gue tambah item and very very tired...ZZZZzzzzzzz.....



12 December 2001



Recollection in Indonesian, rekoleksi, mengingatkan gue akan ret-ret gue waktu smp. Rekoleksi, kurang lebih melihat kembali. Dalam tiga minggu ini rasanya

gue bisa bilang it's been one busy weeks. Cape, ngantuk dan agak sakit2 (sakit badan gara2 lama gak olahraga dan emang masih batuk + pilek due to the iklim changes). Sebagian gak tertulis, sebagian tercatat, sebagian ingin disimpan sendiri atau tak ingin dituliskan dulu.

Rasanya gue masih agak ngambang, feeling masih a bit loss, maybe gue masih ingin menyibukkan diri atau memang sekarang malah gak ada waktu sama sekali. Or hmm I need an organizer that worked?

anggota milis bm yang baik......



lalu keheningan itu berlangsung lama, selama waktu

yang dibutuhkan surat cinta yang kita tanam dalam

botol dan kita lempar ke laut menuju semenanjung di

sebalik tiga pulau.



aku masih membuka kaleng-kaleng minuman itu, dan

hisapanmu atas rokok putih mulai menjamah bungkus

ketiga. ombak di kejauhan sana masih saling berusaha

melepas diri, menuju daratan entah mana......



lampu-lampu jalan mulai menyala, menyebar jala siluet

dalam nyeri pinggir jalan. dan gerimis tetap turun

dalam nada dasar c, cukup ritmis untuk menggamit

asap-asap menuju langit yang belum kunjung memadat.



sebuah lagu kau lantunkan.......



'jika pagar hitam itu tak pernah terbuka, maka dimana

hendak kurebahkan tubuhku dalam ketentraman yang

sempurna.....tubuhmu, tubuhmu, diraba malam,

digelayuti mimpi-mimpiku atasmu....'



kau ulang lagu itu dan kadangkala hanya berhenti pada

'tubuhmu,tubuhmu...'



sesekali dalam kesal yang pekat, kita tendangi

kaleng-kaleng yang berserak, suaranya melesat memburu

dinding malam mencari pintu-pintu, jendela-jendela

berornamen sedih.



'sebab di luar kesedihan, kematian membaptis diri di

pintu sorga' dan ketika hendak kau teruskan kalimatmu,

maka aku secepat menyergap, kuperingatkan kepadamu

sahabatku, jangan sesekali mengulang afrizal dan

borges dalam bentuk nyata, sebab virus mereka sudah

menanah dalam memori kita.



kamu tertawa, bersama lanskap malam yang tak kunjung

tenang.



kau ucapkan terima kasih dalam tiga bahasa asing.

setelah itu kau mulai lagi berkicau tentang

keterasingan, sebuah singgasana yang selalu lindap

jika hendak dijamah.



'keterasingan itu iblis. dan kepada malaikat

keputusasaan kita serahkan diri, juga puisi-puisi.'



lalu tiba-tiba engkau memandangku dengan getar tak

tentu. 'kita harus bercinta!' teriakmu persis di

mukaku dalam volume tajam.



aku terpana,'bukankah kita tidak akan melakukannya?'



'kita harus melakukannya, sebab biografi tubuhmu, aku

menginginkan, begitu menginginkan teks-teks atas

tubuhmu, erangan itu......erangan itu.....serupa puisi

yang ditutup-tutupi, disembunyikan oleh dalil-dalil

linear, dalam pangkat entah berapa, ketika seberkas

sinar dikendalikan dalam kecepatan sesungguhnya, maka

garis memutar yang dibutuhkan oleh tubuhmu untuk

menghasilkan sajak setimpal dengan rumus pitagoras

yang tidak menemukan sudut ketiganya.'



'tidak cukupkah keterasingan dan keputusasaan ini?'

tanyaku sambil mencopot ragu seluruh pakaianku, sebab

kulihat tubuhmu mulai telanjang.



'ada peta-peta di kelaminmu yang nantinya akan pulang

pada pinggangmu. peta yang membentuk negara-negara

belum merdeka bersama orang-orang yang juga belum

merdeka.'



dan ciumanmu.......



'kenapa kita harus berciuman?'



'sebab bibirmu penuh luka doa!'



ah.........



sebab lidahmu telah membasahi dadaku, maka napasku

seperti memburu sesuatu yang lenyap dan aku sedang

sangat. sangat membutuhkan.



lalu aku ingat sepuluh tahun silam, betapa masih

begitu muda dan merah tubuh kita. lalu kita curi

stensilan milik kakak perempuanmu dan kita baca di

pinggir parit, yang di sampingnya telah kita bangun

rumah-rumahan dari kardus dan ilalang. lalu kau

usulkan untuk membaca keras-keras stensilan itu,

seperti membaca puisi, katamu. dan setiap yang telah

kita selesaikan harus kita hanyutkan. sebab di hilir

sana pasti bidadari-bidadari kesepian turun dari

langit, mencari anak-anak semuda kita.



aku tertawa, dan tubuhku nyaris basah semua oleh

lidahmu.



aku ingat waktu itu, aku bertanya, mengapa

bidadari-bidadari itu tidak bercinta dengan malaikat

saja. tampan dan bersayap, bisa sama-sama bersetubuh

di atas mega-mega.



iya, bisa juga bercinta di atas pohon kelapa, asyik

bukan, bisa meliuk-liuk. dan kau tertawa ngakak.



usia awal belasan kita, kau sudah mulai bukan hanya

mengajakku membaca stensilan tapi juga mencuri uang

dan membeli bir botol kecil. 'ini parit kita, ini

rumah kita, dan bidadari-bidadari tergila-gila sama

kita, sebab kita muda dan bisa membaca puisi, bukan

hanya kitab suci.'



kenapa kita bisa sebandel ini? tanyaku waktu itu.

belum! teriakmu, sebab kita belum mencoba melompat

dari kereta yang sedang berjalan melintas di atas

sungai. haruskah seperti itu? memucat tanyaku. harus!

sebab puisi-puisi hanya indah ketika dibaca pada

perbatasan hidup dan mati, ketika tubuh kita melayang

dan tidak tahu, apakah lubuk sungai atau bebatuan yang

akan menerimanya. aku semakin pucat.



aku terhisap arus kebandelanmu, getarnya kurasa dan

hidup sampai kini.



hingga suatu saat perempuan pertamamu, menyatakan

cintanya padaku. engkau hanya meringis. biarlah aku

sama tante di stasiun saja, ucapmu tak terluka.



sipilismu pernah menguras tabunganku. engkau ngakak

lagi. sebab itulah kita dipertemukan cuaca.



tubuhku semakin basah, langit semakin basah.



salam



pea



- reading this writing make me wanna write and write again

i'm tired, hectic, everything is, what i feel what i'm doing and i want a sleep, but i miss "words"...

jangan pernah kehilangan bentuk.. gadis kecil...karena...satu hal...kelamin selalu menuntut bentuk

- a message in one of my guestbook

A Three Weeks Recollection



20 November 2001



I finally arrived in Soekarno-Hatta airport at 2.30 PM. I had to wait a while for my luggages but it all went fine. It was

a good trip and it feels nice to be back home. Jakarta was still hot and crowded. I reach Bogor by 4.30 PM, there was some

traffic-jam along the way. I was pretty suprise that a mall is going to be finish near the place I was living. Hmm...more

crowded traffic then, anyway home is home. I can see Salak and Gede mountain on my way home, my mother said it was due

to the extreme wind that been around for couple of days. The mountains view was very clear and beautiful. The city was also

become more greener, than it was home. The smell of the house, the garden, my room and my beloved dog, Rico.



Alia came 2 hours later, she just got back from her lecture. She stayed until 9 PM and had dinner with us. My dad eventually

help her and gave her a night class of accounting. My house lights was dead since 12 AM till nearly 9PM, somehow it was nice.



I manage to suprise some friends with my unexpected calls, it was great fun.



21 November 2001



Seems there was no rest for me, my things was still unpacked but then I went to Jakarta by bus. I met Sam at Slipi, then we

went to his place. We had a long talk and I went home around 8-9 PM, I was tired. Took a shower then off to bed.



My things was still unpacked and my room was a huge mess.



22 November 2001



Start unpacking my things and clean my room. I went to Gramedia, bought "Pengarang Sudah Mati" Sapardi DD and "Larung" Ayu

Utami. Spend the rest of the day reading and listening to the radio. I feel rather funny to turn on the radio in the corner

of my room again. I haven't done that for ages, I often listen MP3 with an earphone. Suddenly my room feels like a concert hall

when I play a song, maybe I'm being to sarcastic considering my tape was nearly 10 years old, it's not a snazzy stereo set or

anything like that.



24 November 2001



I went to Jakarta again to meet some friends, we went around and end up searching for books in Gramedia - Lippo Karawaci. More

to compare prices, geez it's getting more and more expensive now. I still end up buying "Matinya Seorang Penari Telanjang" SGA

and "Siau Ling" Remy Syaldo. Jakarta was hot but pour with rain in the afternoon, I was home by 8 PM. I slept on the bus and

nearly didn't jump off in the right spot.



25 November 2001



Had a lazy Sunday, brunch and lazily went to church. I nearly sleep over, I didn't really want to go. I do not consider myself

to be religious or have any religion right now. Though I had to go with my mother dragging me. Coincidencely met my abang, Ongky,

in front of the church. We went talking at the back of the seat while the mass was on. He haven't change one single bit.



27 November 2001



I had a lift from my folks to Jakarta. I went to ELSAM and meet Agung, then we went around Jakarta by bus. Agung accompany me

to Pasar Baroe, I was asking for his help to find a good camera. I wanted to learn fotography. Had lunch in Bakmi Gang Kelinci but

the camera shop was close. At first we were going to go to Blok M and re-check our eyes condition, but the clock was ticking. We

had to be in Kemang that afternoon. There was a "buka puasa bersama" in Aksara Bookstore, Kemang then it was continue with a

book discussion. A discussion comparing "Larung" Ayu Utami and "God of Small Things" Arundhati Roy. We arrived there around 5 PM,

the venue wasn't going to start until 6 PM. Me and Agung browse for books, a really nice bookstore with a pretty comprehensive literature

collections. It offers Indonesian and English books altogether. The price of the books aren't very nice though, please be mentally

prepare if you wanted to come here.



The architecture of the place was very sway too, minimalist and spacious. It was only one floor but it goes pretty long to

the back, at the second floor was a small cafe.



Alfred came around 6.30 PM, Agung introduce me to Hikmat and also Sihar. Alfred borrowed my copy of Arundhati and I bought "Djakarta!"

magazine latest edition. The book discussion went allright though it rather out of context. It finish at 9.30 PM, Agung accompany me

to UKI. I took the bus home and arrived at Bogor around 11 PM.



28 November 2001



I was feeling rather sick and had been coughing, maybe I need some rest. Sam came to my house and install this software for

a library catalog, he stay until five o'clock.



Around 6 PM, Shea called me and asked me to go out for a dinner. He just came home from work and he was gonna pick me up

around 8 PM. He live in Jakarta so yeah, it's kinda far. It turn out that he came around 8.30 PM. We went straight for dinner,

Pizza Hut was one of the nearest. I ate fettucini while he ate chicken wings and a personal pan supreme pizza. We ate and we

talked. It was 9.30, then it came up to me an idea and I suggest why don't we go to the cinema, it's still to early to go home.

The cinema wasn't that far, 9.35 PM and the movie had just started. We watched "Don't Say A Word", the cinema was getting cold

and I put on my white sweater. The movie was rather short, it finish around 10.40 PM and we look for an atm, he need to go there.



I kinda become his guide for the night as we drove around Bogor, I haven't seen the city at night for a long time. On the way home,

I didn't really wanted to go home that soon. I said jokingly to go to Puncak and eat "jagung bakar", and yes he took it seriously.

I was kinda kidnapped for the night but I had a great time. Arrive home at 2 AM, the next day I was getting sicker. Really, I'm

not that good to know my own condition, I often forgot or just don't care.



to be continue...

hmm mo mindahin jurnal, kapan yah?

beresin website juga euy....

nganggur tapi koq tambah sibuk *bingung*