i like my body when it is with your

body. It is so quite new a thing.

Muscles better and nerves more.

i like your body. i like what it does,

i like its hows. i like to feel the spine

of your body and its bones, and the trembling

- firm-smooth ness and which i will

again and again and again

kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,

i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz

of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes

over parting flesh . . . . And eyes big love-crumbs,



and possibly i like the thrill



so under me you so quite new

-ee cummings-

i can't sleep

again...catching insomnia

imagine, hearing a kindergarten being bombed by a molotov. no one injured. but it put me off with everything...

i like this image when there was "jatilan" in yogyakarta. i used this combine with the crater of kelimutu. i just love the expression of this guy.

what i have been discussing with rio and taufiq back at the end of january 2001, might happen in this current situation in jakarta. will the military take over? one big questions. "maklumat" president was out today and giving the authority to yudhoyono, thought it was clear that the whole situation had to be under him. with certain political gossips about the military plotting a coup, i'm just scare it might come true. riots are starting in places in java. tension is building at this very second.

i began my sketchings for the sculpture project, i draw some stuff. it's interesting when i draw rory's side face today, amazing what u can do with the color skin and have his faces to be a different sort of person. thought i prefer plain old pencil stuff sketches with no color added.

i'm drawing satu tomorow, as she will leave perth 4th of june. i will give her the sketch when i'm finish.

it's hot there...boiling hot...

across the indian ocean...

i'm thinking to make this thing more serious then "lukisan hati", i might really...considering i have to write more in english. i really want to improve my writings. and oh God, my grammar sux! i really need to clean my grammar, prepositions and sentences.

new books:

-adam schwartz "nation in waiting"

:::i read this book copy when i was in junior hs i think, the old version of it. this book had extra content from the fall of soeharto, that should be interesting. i've been wanting for a copy. i saw one in gramedia, but the price, geezzz... well here it isn't much different but i manage to save a couple of bucks.

-heinrich boll "the lost honour of katharina blum"

:::the writer won the nobel prize for literature, one of the famous trio germany writers (with Thomas Mann and Herman Hesse). i never read his writings before. i accidently found this on the shelf of the bookstore. very tempting thing to buy, the story...very interesting. about a young women falls in love with a young radical on the run from the police. i want to finish this book by tomorrow, hopefully, i hate my homework.

-mario vargas llosa "the notebooks of don rigoberto"

:::one of latin american writer side with gabriel garcia marquez (i want to finish his "one hundred year of solitude" by the end of the week), this book is about don rigoberto who is a hedonist, an erotomaniac, and a man whose private life is ruled by the most exotic fantasies. a tale of art and desire. i look through the book in the store, one section also mention egon schiele (love his works). looks like it's going to be one intriguing reading journey.



---i broke completely this month---

*sigh*

this might sound pathetic. the wheather is nice and fine but man i couldn't enjoy it even one bit. am i weird?

i'm picking up some books in the city, i supposevely to pick it up like last month. oh well.

i think i'm failing my calculus, i'm hell lucky if i manage to get a C this semester. thought i kick ass in my history and art.

looking at schooling, somehow i keep on lossening my interest. i use to be interested then i'm not, interested again and not!

i just read this:



We, Equality 7-2521, were not happy in

those years in the Home of the Students.

It was not that the learning was too hard

for us. It was that the learning was too easy.

This is a great sin, to be born with a

head which is too quick. It is not good

to be different from our brothers, but it

is evil to be superior to them. The Teachers

told us so, and they frowned when they

looked upon us.

-ayn rand "anthem"-



it does make me think for a while, indoctrinize education didn't get a person to learn but limit their knowledge. interest is important, wanting to learn is important. being wanting to then u have to is the key of the boredom in education. the ideas of free education as with the meaning of freedom somehow has being lured. having experience two different educational background, only some interest that left and it's fading away. world ain't perfect. i just wish that i'll finish high school soon, and actually survive it, i'm dying in here.

talking on sex before married, somehow i wasn't suprise when one of my best friend cried after the big fight with his bf in front of my house pouring down with rain. she already did it, and i was like don't cry too much, you can't do anything else about it.

looking at 50 % my closest person had sex before married, i just realized that i've been taking the issue more comfortable then before. it is acceptable for me personally as long as you know what your are doing and have a responsible with it. it's aint a funny thing when pregnancy take over.

the intimacy in the relationship will be different compare to the couple that haven't had sex. probably my parents gonna kill me, if they knew i have this some sort of views but hey i can't help it. i got my mind on my own state. one more thing, long distance relationship often get into your nerves with these sort of need.

i can't work this archieve s***, dammit!

i often hate this boredom

the solitude of life

what is it like to be free?

sometimes nor words is spoken

between us

love often become so silent

hate winter but loving rain

[2Pac]

I feel you {uhh} .. (baby don't)

but you can't, you can't give up

{Hey.. 2Pac what?}



[2Pac + H.E.A.T.]

Baby don't cry, I hope you got your head up {Outlawz}

Even when the road is hard, never give up

Baby don't cry, I hope you got your head up

Even when the road is hard, never give up {Keep ya head up}



[2Pac]

Now here's a story bout a woman with dreams

So picture perfect at thirteen, an ebony queen

Beneath the surface it was more than just a crooked smile

Nobody knew about her secret so it took a while

I could see a tear fall slow down her black cheek

Sheddin quiet tears in the back seat; so when she asked me,

"What would you do if it was you?"



Couldn't answer such a horrible pain to live through

I tried to trade places in the tragedy

I couldn't picture three crazed ni**az grabbin me

For just a moment I was trapped in the pain, Lord come and take me

Four ni**az violated, they chased and they raped me

Even though it wasn't me, I could feel the grief

Thinkin with your brains blown that would make the pain go

No! You got to find a way to survive

cause they win when your soul dies



[2Pac + H.E.A.T.]

Baby please don't cry, you got to keep your head up

Even when the road is hard, never give up

Baby don't cry, you got to keep your head up

Even when the road is hard, never give up

Baby don't cry, I hope you got your head up

Even when the road is hard, never give up {never give up}

Baby don't cry, I hope you got your head up {never give up}

Even when the road is hard, never give up

Baby don't cry



[Edi Amin]

Uhh

Forget him girl (forget him girl) he ain't gon' never change

ain't no hater but that ni**a lost in the game

After the bright lights and big thangs

he probably could loev you, but he in love with the struggle

Everyday, his mind on gettin mo' (gettin mo')

and never your feelings, he's chasin millions fo' sho'

Uh oh (uh oh), now you bout to have his baby? (dayamn)

Another wild-a*s ni**a that's gon' drive you crazy

You got too much, mo', livin to do - I'm spittin this to you,

cause you deserve more than what he givin to you (that's right)

Beautiful, black, precious, and complicated

A new millennium dime piece, so fine she

got em all stuck standin still when she come through

Baby take a little mo' time, love'll find you

And show us the sky's blue somebody other than me

gon' give you everything you need, feel me?

{Don't cry-ahhhhh..}



[2Pac + H.E.A.T.]

Baby don't cry, you got to keep your head up

Even when the road is hard, never give up {you'll be alright}

Baby don't cry, you got to keep your head up

Even when the road is hard, never give up {you'll be alright}

Baby don't cry, I hope you got your head up

Even when the road is hard, never give up {keep your head up}

Baby don't cry, I hope you got your head up {never give up}

Even when the road is hard, never give up {no no.. ohhhh}

Baby don't cry



[Young Noble]

I'm tryin to do all that I can, from jump

Now you losin, you was choosin the wrong man

Dealt the wrong hand, you was young and beautiful

Lost and turned out, what you let that ni**a do to you? (Damn)

I knew her since elementary, she blew a kiss to me

Wrote me a note in crayon, wantin to get with me

We was kids, now she got three kids

They see their father e'ryday, and they don't know who he is

Seen him last night, homey roll a E-cla*s

Mad cheese in the stash, still a deadbeat dad

I bring her, Pampers and food, just to stop through

but those, ain't my seeds, nuttin really I could do (nah)

I feel pity for you, you ain't even his wife

Seventeen with three kids, locked down for life

Shoulda chose me, she bout to O.D. from the pressure

Hell nah I won't let her {BABY DON'T CRY}



[2Pac + H.E.A.T.]

Baby don't cry, you got to keep your head up

Even when the road is hard, never give up {you'll be alright}

Baby don't cry, you got to keep your head up

Even when the road is hard, never give up {baby don't cry}

Baby don't cry, I hope you got your head up

Even when the road is hard, never give up {baby baby baby}

Baby don't cry, I hope you got your head up {no..}

Even when the road is hard, never give up {no-ohhhh}

Baby don't cry, I gotta keep your head up

Even when the road is hard, never give up

Baby don't cry, you got to keep your head up

Even when the road is hard, never give up {ooooh baby}

Baby don't cry, I hope you got your head up

Even when the road is hard, never give up

Baby don't cry, I hope you got your head up {keep your head up}

{keep your head up, never give up}

Even when the road is hard, never give up, baby don't cry



[Young Noble]

Uhh, uhh, yeah, don't give up {you'll be alright}

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry



[2Pac + H.E.A.T.]

Baby don't cry, I hope you got your head up

Even when the road is hard, never give up

Baby don't cry, I hope you got your head up

Even when the road is hard, never give up, baby don't cry



[Edi Amin]

For all the ladies {Soulshock, Karlin}

Baby don't cry

Got to keep your head up {keep your head up}

Makaveli the Don {head up} aight?



-baby dont' cry, tupac and the outlawz, still i rise album-

13.05.2k-13.05.2k1

me and taufiq, it has been a year...and i'm greatly missing him.

satu majama went to sydney today, she got 5 weeks until she's off back to findland

she's one of the nicest person i ever know, hope she got a great time there.