the horor of staying in another city other than yogyakarta

it's 19 minutes past eleven, around 5 hours after i had my period (man, i always mention having period in this blog), believing on my stomach cramps this morning but it's not a nasty cramps. i just need some chocolate bar, sungguh nyesel ga beli satu kemaren:( i just had my hot showers with passion fruit from the body shop smell in my skin. something about passion fruit smell just make things turning exotic, please ignore the bloody advertisement.

it's a good pampering after a silly afternoon around. going to the imigration office to renew my passport with my father was just a failure (they said it takes ages to make renewal), 'coz the birocratic corruption is just the same and even sby cannot do anything about it. if you want it fast, you still have to bribe them, yeah yeah. let's cheers for the sign saying about bribery as big as shit in front of that bloody office. i need it fast, because of this afternoon i just cannot stand to go home to yogyakarta. so yeah, then we pick up my mother from the tailor lady and drove her to the ipb campus. let the ipb people recommended do the stuff with the imigration. arghh, i hate birocrats!!!! fuck them!!

seeing my parent's office for the first time in this past ten years was weird experience. ipb is just a weird atmosphere campus. i seen a sticker of hizbut tahrir in one of the lecturer's car and weird slogan saying: ga sholat, ga trendy. man, i though the technic faculty in ugm slogan after the lebaran is such a disaster. in ipb it's even worser. it's like seeing religion on mtv or something, seeing it like a big joke that they took it seriously.

i'm kinda glad i'm in yogyakarta somehow. it's like a horor living in other city like bogor, i even sort of forget the good memories i have regarding with this city when i was younger. i mean well like for the entertainment, there just having like cinema, the malls or the tv. in yogya you got tons of stuff like: galeries, theather performance, music performances, art exhibition, alternative movie screening, cheap cable tv, even the vcd/dvd rental had so much broad collections. all at low cost and with the best qualities. i just cannot find that atmosphere and spirit anywhere else.

i don't know, i need a really good reason leaving yogyakarta. i've thinking about it lately, i'm not sure whether i wanted to leave yogya for good and live elsewhere. i must admit that the living cost there is getting higher, yogyakarta is turning to a metropolitant but you still can get that side of yogyakarta still existing and planning to buy a piece of land/house seems impossible 'coz their price rose very high lately. i don't know, well something or exactly someone have to convince me very well for leaving yogyakarta behind.

being in bogor again at my parent's house is actually like a holiday. doing nothing, accept for reading all day long, still thinking stuff though (about job even). but yeah, i don't know if i can stand this even until saturday. i talk a lot with my dad today, he's saying some good word like for not being to nice to people, to friends. i don't know, am i too nice? or is it really wrong on being nice or kind these day? i don't like being coldhearted even when it gives me troubles. it's like having two different lives sometimes. i don't really like rely on my family nor they would understand everything i'm doing. i try not to hassle them with all the facts about me thingy. it would absolutely shock them, i'm sure. truth does hurts.

at a time like this, i saw a lot of flashback of my life. it's weird being nearly 22 in a few months, being single again (well, not exactly actually), hurting someone bad for that. doing new jobs, setting new goals, changing some views on things. it's like this year has just turn, even though i don't celebrate celebration like the chinese new year that i never understand or last new year eve which i spend on the posko tent for aceh in the middle of the boulevard. things just looking new. i had to make new decisions and new commitments. it seems changing everything in a rush, planning things all over again. even though yesterday is history, it marks things and stayed forever. you want it or not, it will stay. i sometimes wish our memories can be erased in a recyled bin as easy as a mouse click.

i'm reading allende's the infinite plans, reading and seeing a lot of lives toss and turn. it's weird hearing my dad saying the he want us in safe hands and that things run smoothly all the time. i took in silence 'coz i know things don't run smoothly and often you fall, sometimes really bad. i don't really want to start an argument with him in a time like this, nor i don't want to lecturing him in life. people had their own views and values. i had to learn things on my own, not under other people understanding and i always knew that. i know i will change, but i view changes as a basic things in life. bessy said atidvolution, yeah yeah...it's sounds cute;)

seems like i'm turning into a deep melancholy that make me stop in life for a while. it's a night for a rest and for a stop. just a while. it wouldn't hurt.