it came to my thought, the image of him now. i wonder whether i should smile. a year and nearly 2 months since we've been together. at first i never had the thought of getting married young, but it occur to me when i knew him. but this thought have to stop now, because i doubt that we can reach that far. i started to question things on marriage and why do they put that stupid regulations about "you can't get married if you have different beliefs". F*** THAT. i'm in a point to not having any religion. i believe in God, i guess but not religion. it's just such a lame excuses, people kill their own blood fighting on what they so called "religion". i have enough of that, though by saying that my parents might kill me:P



it's hard enough for having him soo far away from me, crossing the indian ocean to reach him again. the first month away from him was the hardest of all, it felt that not so long ago i'm still in his arms and in a split second everything has just gone. i got another 5-6 months until i meet him again. i hate the fact that when we meet again, we had to face more harder decisions.



without status? i don't know if i wanted to go through that again. i've been there and i don't particularly like it. seeing myself going like this again, i question formality again. formality just for the sake of it. is that really necessary? it's hurting me that i know nothing is wrong between us. so why give up now?