my mother's faith stares me sometimes, while mine is rather shattered or going up and down all the time. she is also can be very encouraging, like now to actually making me going to washington d.c. to fulfill the international poetry conference invitation. shear did too, even taufiq told me so. although i'm not to sure about it myself. it's rather too comercialized in some ways, hmm...i don't really know how to put it. the conference will be held next month on the exact date of indonesian independence day. should i or should i not go? i don't thing there's no reason why i shouldn't go to us. it will be a good experience but i don't want to rise up any other expectation or excitement. it's not like i'm going to win the contest and bring all the money home or something like that. i see myself as being invited and participate. one thing i'm scare to do, reading my poems outloud in front of people. for heaven sake i never done that before in my life time.